So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
