dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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