Already got asked if we're dating
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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