we're chasing vodka with high fives
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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