k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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