Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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