i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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