I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
