I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
