How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
