get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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