Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
