the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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