last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
