went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
