Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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