i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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