I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
