now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
