Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
