$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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