im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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