did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
