I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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