This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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