it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
