I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
