Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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