How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
