Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
