TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
