i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize