what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
