so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
