what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
