Kiss
Puke
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
