you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
