I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
