Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
