when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
