Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
