how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
