theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
