Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize