he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
