would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
