I want to have your abortion
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
