Will you blow on my dice?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
