I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
