no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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