I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
