finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
