i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
