I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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