Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
