he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
