You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
